My struggle and fight with food started when I was about 13 years old. Throughout my teen and young adult years, I don’t remember a day going by when I didn’t fight with those temptations. Sadly, I lost. No matter how good I tried to be to stand against it, I would eventually give in. Every night before going to sleep, those guilt filled thoughts would harass me. “You did it again…You said this was the day you were done overeating…What is wrong with you?” The cry of my heart was, “Can I ever be free?” Freedom from food addiction seemed so far away and out of reach.
My mom, sister, and I tried every diet imaginable yet the fight only got worse. It seemed like I was the one who always went off the diet first…or had one foot in and one foot out. I tried to talk them out of it, that we deserved a treat. Diets made the addiction monster rise inside of me until it was raging! Sugar consumed my thoughts. I would literally tell my mom and sis, “I’ll do any diet as long as I can keep my chocolate.” I didn’t know at the time that my stubbornness would be my downfall yet again.
Any time I would go shopping or step inside a gas station, the rage monster would rear its ugly head. “You need a treat. You deserve it. What’s going to give you that fix of sugar you’re craving?” Yet, nothing could satisfy it. I was looking for that satisfaction that is only found in one place…SURRENDER.
On October 10, 2018, when my mom has my sister and I look into this new eating way of life, and she asked us if we wanted to do it with her, my mouth said, “yes.” My mind said, “are you crazy?” My thoughts immediately started reeling. “Can I have my NMF? Because I can only do it if I can...This is just like any other diet we’ve tried…It will last 1 week…Oh boy, here comes the rage monster.” We started with the 14 day challenge. We could do anything for 14 days, right? Then back to normal…probably gain it all back…It’s going to be torture. One meal went by…then another…and another. Detox was in full swing. I grieved the food I was giving up. When the 14 days was up, I had lost about 7 pounds. We started another 14 days. Then another 14 days. After the first 3 weeks went by, the rage monster was slowly fading away. The detox was lessoning. The cravings were less and less. The food was beginning to taste AMAZING! It was like I was stepping out of the shadows of guilt, grief, fighting, frustration, temptations and could breathe for the first time. My thoughts, usually filled with food chatter constantly driving me to resist the plan, was becoming quieter as each day passed. What was this excitement and newfound peace? FREEDOM! However, before I could taste this wonderful sense of pure freedom, I had to fully surrender.
No wonder Jesus said, “Those who cling to their lives (their addictions, getting their way, eating whatever you want, living life your way) will give up true life. But those who let go of their lives for my sake and surrender it all to me will discover true life!” Matthew 10:39 TPT
This is what surrendering did for me. I completely let go of everything and surrendered fully to what I know God’s will was for my life. I fully surrendered to the plan. Even though I didn’t understand how we could live the rest of our lives without sugar and flour, even though I didn’t feel like it some days, even though those old habits were still ingrained in my brain, I surrendered. I’ll be honest…surrendering took a while. It wasn’t until day 100 when something clicked in me. The automaticity kicked in. Sticking to the plan, fully surrendered, became my identity. I discovered the true life Jesus was talking about. I WAS FREE!
Have I messed up since then? Of course! But I just ran straight back into that place of surrender. This true life of freedom isn’t just talking about food addiction. This can spill into everyday life! So if you’re reading this and can relate, I have good news! Just surrender! Here’s a good gage… are you still fighting? You still need to surrender. Just give up and follow the plan. Just take one day at a time…take one meal at a time…take one hour at a time!
Today, I can honestly tell you, I don’t fight with food addiction anymore. I never ever thought I would be able to say that! Do temptations pop up every once in a while? Yes! But it’s not a fight anymore. Only through God’s strength, He brought me through. He’ll do the same for you. Stop fighting in frustration and fully surrender today! It’s just a choice.
